Time Thief

Facebook is a time thief and I want back the 7 hours I've been on it today.

But, in my defense, I got sucked into looking for old friends and family members and it quickly became an emotional roller coaster. The funniest thing I found was a profile for someone I ended on bad terms with...he had no friends which isn't that surprising since it's difficult to make connections when your boyfriend is/was a male prostitute, but still, it made me howl with delight... More alarmingly, I found way too many people I went to school with, that have grandchildren. Also, most of the men are older, fatter and gayer than when I last saw them. (Yes, GAYER, not grayer; I went to high school/college from 1978 to 1985...the theater/English Lit crowd I hung out with was full of the gay, but it wasn't an era or place (Nebraska) prone to existing outside the closet door, myself included...)

Scariest thing I found was a private profile and picture of the GIRL I had a crush on all the way through grade school...(It was a brain thing; she was the only other literate person in my class). The poor thing is hideously, monstrously unattractive in a "I'm not quite sure of her gender" sort of way...and though it didn't say on her profile, (I couldn't access it unless we were friends), I believe she's had a pretty rough life. When I was still in my hometown gossip loop, I was aware that she had married young and had kids but I think there were mental health issues and perhaps suicide attempts on her part and it sounds like her life hasn't improved much. Seeing her massive, androgynous face staring out from a shitty Sears Photo Studio portait was incredibly depressing...

On a lighter note, I discovered a profile for a much younger male cousin of mine who I haven't seen in 10 years and was never very close to. My brother and I were already pretty much convinced he was a fellow traveler in the Friends of Dorothy fanclub; the kid played the organ at an early age and learned how to mince before he learned how to walk...(also, it runs in the family; out of 8 grandkids, 4 of them are queer, that we know of). My suspicions were confirmed when I found his profile and saw his profile photo. My cuz is curled up with a rather hunky, somewhat older black man in a pose that suggests mutual buggery rather than wholesome male bonding...It's probably best that our mutual grandfather, a man who had to be gradually weened down to using "darkie" to refer to our African-American brethren as opposed to starker, earthier terms, is long since gone from this mortal coil.

Kitchen Bitchin'

As I type this, there are a multitude of people in our workspace kitchen preparing their lunches. Several of them are busily preparing healthful salads; chopping a variety of fresh, heart-healthy produce just as they do several timea a week. Yet, most of the people I see in our workspace kitchen preparing these supposedly low-calorie, whole food meals are incredibly fat...which leads me to wonder, is it all for show? In other words, are they making a big deal of their healthy lifestyle in public, ie, at work, but in their private lives, at home, are gorging out on Frito Pies, Lil' Debby snack cakes and gallons of Fanta? Or, is their rotundity due to a lack of exercise despite their seemingly smart eating habits? Are they happy looking like hippopotamuses as long as they make a pretense of eating right? And why can't they do all their produce chopping, mincing and serrating at home instead of taking up all the counterspace with their food prep, not to mention hogging all the space in the refrigerators with enough roughage to keep Whole Foods stocked for a week?

Who are they trying to kid?

On a similar theme, people should not be allowed to heat up bacon based meals in public kitchens unless they bring enough bacon for everyone to enjoy. The smell of bacon is maddening, especially to those of us with hideously bad cholesterol who shouldn't be eating it. If I ran an office, I would ban bacon based products, (along with malodorous, usually burnt, microwave popcorn), from the work place kitchen out of consideration for those of us who aren't allowed to indulge in this savory delight.

And, to my kosher friends who've never eaten pork, is the smell of well-cooked bacon a mouth watering olfactory delight, or an exercise in sheer torture, or just a benign odor of unknown quality?

Inquiring minds do want to know...

Jughead is the title of tonite's Lost episode...

and it doesn't refer to The Archie's character...Here's some spoilers for you, courtesy of the fine folks at http://spoilerslost.blogspot.com:

- One of the best episodes if you like mythology episodes
- Widmore is paying the medical bills for someone
- Jughead as we suspected is a b_ _ _
- Faraday and Widmore have a surprising connection
- We find out how and why Widmore knows about the Island
- No O6 in this episode
- Someone tells Charlotte they love her

Also, there will be Latin, a baby, and a younger version of a character we've already met...and we find out more about the soldiers that attacked the castaways last week. Even though this season's individual episodes aren't quite as character specific or centric, to use a Lost fan term, it would be relatively safe to say that this episode is somewhat Desmond-centric, so if you're a fan of the 'brutha' spouting Scot with the tan chest and flowing locks, you're in for a treat...

Oh, and next week's episode, The Little Prince, features Claire's mom, more nosebleeds and time traveling to an era featuring a bunch of French people on the Island, including a fiery young French woman...I wonder who she could be?

Finally, there's a rumor that there was a casting call for a 25 year old Aaron to feature in a scene set in 2030 to interact with an adult Ji-Yeon...but, the producers have been known to issue fake casting calls or to use fake character names and scripts to confuse spoiler hunting fans, so take it with a grain of Dharma salt. (There's also some interesting fan speculation that Aaron and Ji-Yeon are the Adam and Eve bodies found in the cave in Season One...discuss at will!)

We should all be GLAAD for our Dina...

Seattle's own beloved Dina Martina, (aka Grady West) has been nominated for a GLAAD Award for her one woman show, "Dina Martina: Off The Charts!" under the category, Outstanding New York Theatre: Off-Off Broadway. The New York winners will be announced March 28th at the Marriot Marquis.

A toast to Dina!

Here she is pictured with "goodfriend", Joyce DeWitt...

To learn more about the fantastic Ms Martina go here: http://www.dinamartina.com/index.html

Or visit your local library...

Slumdogs of Beverly Hills

The many varied reactions to Slumdog Millionaire are so odd...it doesn't warrant the raves it's getting, esp about it's clever plot (good brother, bad brother, girl who comes between them was an old standard when D W Griffith was making flickers...)but some of the brickbats are bizarre. The "heinous torture" of children was brief and mostly off camera, and Dickensian in the sense that it felt like it came out of an old story book and didn't have any basis in the reality of real slumdogs in Mumbai. The actors are adorable and the soundtrack is great, but other than that and the flashback story structure of how the uneducated boy was able to answer the gameshow questions, there's not much else to recommend about this movie...it's sweet and crowd pleasing and probably going to win the Oscar and in 20 years time people will be asking, "why did that movie win so many awards?" just like we do now about 80% of the movies that have won the Oscar in the past...(ahem, Gandhi/Dances with Wolves/Braveheart/Forrest Gump/Crash)

But, I hope the cast gets work out of this, esp. the adorable Dev Patel as the oldest incarnation of our hero and Anil Kapoor as the swarmy host of Millionaire. Patel is already a rising young actor in his native UK, starring in the hit tv series Skins, and Kapoor is a major star in India, but it would be nice for them to get some Hollywood work...and paychecks.

I'd rather be like this hot Pussy...

instead of slogging away at work but I have bills to pay...many, many, many bills of all hues, religions, nationalities and sexual orientations... And for my Eight Readers out there, here is an employment update for you. I do continue to have a job with the same employer I've had for many, many months, (despite the fact that the high profile company I do contract work for, recently announced they are laying off people for the first time ever, cough, cough...) and though my projects keep ending, I continue to get assigned to new ones, which leads me to believe that there's a continued hope that I shant have to live in a cardboard box in Pioneer Square for the forseeable future, which to quote Martha Stewart, is a good thing.

So a toast to me, for not sucking!

Milk and Pho

What I did yesterday...Finally saw Milk after two previous attempts cancelled by snow/shitty weather. Of course it started snowing a couple hours before I was due to go to the Egyptian but it was decided that in order to break the bizarre Strangeways Snow/Milk Curse that I had to go regardless of how dreadful the weather was...and, oddly enough, about 10 minutes after exiting the theatre last night, the snow stopped. So, officially, Winter is now over.

Later, with different friends, I went to Than Bros and had the #12 which has almost everything in it except the tripe. (I draw the line at tripe because it seems trite and has too many fecal connotations...)We chose Than Bros because it was cold and pho is excellent when it's cold, but primarily because it's ultra cheap and of the three people dining, one of us is unemployed and going to Gene Juarez School of Beauty, the other is on unemployment and me, who is not very gainfully employed. Of course, the unemployed student insisted on paying which means I will have to retaliate by buying her a Tofurkey and leaving it on her door step.

oh, and Milk was very moving and even though he personally annoys the shit out of me, Sean Penn did an amazing job as Harvey Milk and the rest of the cast was excellent though I'm not sure if Josh Brolin really deserves that many acting accolades for his Dan White portrayal; he was good but the part seemed a little small to warrant all the love he's getting. And Diego Luna as one of Milk's lovers was very annoying, which wasn't the actors fault, but the nature of the character as written. And Luna is a very attractive man but bewigged and berobed in the worst of 70's attire had him resembling a Chia Pet that was gangbanged in a Value Village.

The real star of the show is James Franco playing Milk's great love Scott Smith. The reasons for Mr Franco's stardom are readily apparent: his award worthy, pillowy, "please kiss me for the rest of my life" lips, his dreamy, sly, and slightly buzzed eyes, and most importantly, my firm belief that he is a tiger in the sack, capable of hours of prolonged Tantric pleasure for both himself and his partner(s) in rapture. If he's not, I'll eat his hat...

or basket...

or something...

Delusional? Uninformed? Liars?

Lately, I've noticed ads on both Craigslist and Manhunt that contain pictures of men's asses and the claim that they have "bubble butts". Based solely on the provided evidence, many of these claims must be ruled fraudulent. Whether these people are intentionally lying or unintentionally self-deluded or possibly just sadly uninformed about the true nature of a bubble butt, (its perfect geometric curve and saucy, jutting nature), would be cause for further study.

I think Mario Lopez is gross, but he does possess a pretty amazing ass which is ironic considering that he IS a bit of an ass...

All he needed was a white cat on his lap to complete the transformation...

Which dormant volcano will the Evil One install his hidden lair?

Khaaaaaaaaaaaan!

has died. A toast to the very sexy Ricardo Montalban: 1920-2009

The photo is from the LA Times and it's from 1950 and Montalban is training for the movie, "Right Cross".

I'm thrilled that he won, but doesn't it already feel like,

he's been president for the last 10 years?

Am I already Obama'ed out?

I do know that I'm already tired of all the damn Clintonites in the new administration...that's the best they could come up with? With all the layoffs in this country, you think they could have found some fresh new meat...

Not being able to work at work is making me feel...

I'm having connectivity problems at work so I'm sitting here, bored out of my little snot filled mind trying to make it to 4.45pm. (The snot alludes to the fact that I'm battling the THIRD, fucking cold of the season...I'm so sick of phlegm, mucus and any non-sexually transmittted secretions, that I could scream...)

January is the worst month. Cold, grey, bleak and everyone is broke after the holidays. Also, us poor people have to put up with hearing from richer friends about their impending trips to sunny, tropical locations....I hate them and I secretly wish that they are attacked by nasty little monkeys or killer bees or rude flight attendants.

It's horrid outside, I'm in a foul mood and sick of everything...

...so hopefully this completely gratuitous shot of Jon Hamm, the sexiest man on tv, (sorry, Matthew Fox; you shouldn't have shaved your chest) will warm the cockles of our pants.

I'm not saying anything else, because it would be a steady stream of rancid bile, a non-stop bitchfest concerning the weather, unshoveled sidewalks, irritating hipsters and annoying yuppies, Metro, the holiday season, financial woes, job insecurity, mental anguish, artistic bankruptcy and a monologue devoted to my negative body image and lack of sexual potency and desirability.

And if that fucking Celtic Women "special" runs one more goddamned time on PBS, I may run amuck at Seattle Center and burn down KCTS and string George Ray from a light pole...is it really necessary or financially prudent to run the same horrid program every night of your fucking pledge drive?

Is it the New Year yet?

It's a cliche, but I think this picture sums up how we all feel,

physically and emotionally...

Part of that is due to the state of mass transit in Seattle during a weather crisis; Metro tends to fall apart. My first bus yesterday smelled like: 1)a week old dirty diaper or, 2)just starting to rot egg salad. At my first transfer point there was a deranged man repeating in a loop, "I hope my apartment building doesn't burn down; it would be like the Towering Inferno!" and "I don't know how to make an igloo!". On my way home, the #8 that should have shown up at Denny & Dexter at 5:21pm failed to do so. When a bus finally came at 5:47, it was packed tighter than a Tokyo subway car full of Salarymen, which at least made the bus warm and cozy.

Today, I'm wearing the following amount of layers:
Torso/Core: 5
Butt/Naughty Bits: 3
Legs: 2
Feet: 3
Hands/Face: 0

As per yesterdays post, I would prefer wearing nothing, on a beach drinking a pina colada.

And with that horrifying image, I leave you, for now...

Ideally....

...for me, at least, the outside temperture should be warm enough that you are comfortable being outside naked for at least an hour, withhout fear of frostbite or third degree burns...

The weather today makes me most unhappy. If you stood outside in the nude, you'd be dead in 10 minutes, either the victim of frostbite or ravenous, rape minded Capitol Hill type bears...if you looked like this young man.

photo from http://scenicboys.typepad.com/

My Bad.

Sorry for the lack of posts. Things have changed for me at work and I'm working on new projects that require me to actually do some work and not spend hours goofing on the Internet. The original project I was hired for, has ended, and sadly, many of my friends and co-workers have been laid off, (though some of them are thrilled with the prospect of going on unemployment). The stuff I'm doing now, should carry me over to at least mid-January with a chance that it could go even longer, so I'm hopeful, even though part of me would love a little time off...

And, here's a gratuitous picture of a cute kitty, my friends Kurt and Stephanie's beloved Carlito.

Reading between the lines...

A friend sent me this:

THOSE BORN 1920-1980

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

I loathe shit like this...What's really being said in a nostalgic piece of crap like this is, "Remember the Good Ole Days, when Women knew their Place and Stayed Home in the Kitchen, and the Darkies knew to stay at the Back of the Bus, and Faggots only lived in a couple Big Cities and worked as Hairdressers or Florists, and White Heterosexual Men could safely and confidently Rule The World without any Interference? Do ya? WELL, DO YA!?!?!?!?!?"

But, I will say, I do miss the Good Ole Days when I would hitchhike to Grade School with that kindly ole bachelor who lived down the street...However, I hated Go-Carts and only Retarded children would actually eat a worm or a mud pie or a Clark Bar.

I also remember, as a kid, being bored out of my mind because there wasn't anything interesting to do, just like kids do now, and would have given my left nut for Nintendo or a DVD player.

Oh, and, I still have my BB Gun...it's in the closet of my ultra-fab apartment on Capitol Hill but I never take it out for fear that my more mean-spirited neighbors would want to borrow it to shoot the pesky squirrels that live in the eaves above their apartment. I only used my bb gun to shoot beer bottles, in the house, when my parents weren't home...It was hella fun.

boom

Press notes for boom state, "A marine biologist calculates that the end of the world is near and posts an online personals ad, hoping to find a girl that will help him ensure the survival of the species. But when push comes to shove, saving life on earth on the first date proves to be a bit of a challenge."

I'm going to see this on the 30th at Seattle Rep primarily for the divine actor pictured, Nick Garrison who plays the GAY marine biologist. Chelsey Rives also stars as the girl he meets along with Gretchen Krich. I haven't heard of any reviews yet, but I have high hopes...Mr Garrison is one of our best local actors.

For tickets and more info, (tickets are priced $29-$45) phone (206) 443-2222, toll free at (877) 900-9285 or online at seattlerep.org.

Photo by Chris Bennion.

Stitches

Update to my below post on Travis Young's horrific injury at The Skylark on Halloween night. To catch those of you up too lazy to scroll down to the previous post, Young, the singer for We Wrote The Book On Connectors, (a band name that is entirely too long), went crowd surfing during his set and despite his diminutive frame, the inebriated hipster audience was unable to adequately support his body weight and he fell on broken glass and slashed open his thigh. (Strangeways is still recovering from the sight of blood gushing from Young's leg in a scene that recalled Sam Peckinpaw at his best...) I'm happy to report that Young made it to the emergency room in time and didn't join Kurt, Jimi, and Janis in the Rock Star Enclave in the Sky, but he did receive 28 stitches, or so I hear...

The best of luck to him on a full recovery and hopefully, a valuable lesson learned, (don't expect drunken, aging hipsters in smelly Red Light costumes to catch you, if you should fall...)

It was a good weekend...

1)Went out to dinner with friends on Saturday and ate at Senor Moose in Ballard, which is a brilliant Mexican restaurant on Leary across from the Olympic gym, then had drinks at Hattie's Hat. The food at Moose is not your typical burritos/tacos/enchilada fare; I had a dish with chicken livers, bacon and jalopenos that was out of this world...(yeah, and probably not the best thing to eat cholesterol-wise, but damn, it was good...)
2)I had some burning down the house sex and it had been awhile since that had happened...there's nothing better than sex with someone you have excellent sexual chemistry with...
3)And, most importantly, I finally got my McRib I've been fantasizing about ever since they started running the commercials a couple weeks ago. It was delicious, but I have to admit that it wasn't as great as I remembered it...maybe, they're using a different kind of "meat" or maybe I just have more sophisticated tastes now...