Friday, April 23, 2010

I posted this on another site today, and wanted to keep it on file...

4.10 Scenes that are Gay Porn Cliches and should be avoided unless you can put a fresh spin on it:
1)The Delivery Guy Scene-Pizza, Mail, Fed-Ex, whatever, but I don’t need to see any more scenes where the delivery guy rings the doorbell, the twink comes to the door in a towel and 9 seconds later they start fucking….BO-RING!
2)Anything in an auto-body or repair shop…yes, it’s hot to see guys in zip up coveralls but it’s been done to death, and seldom with much originality.
3)Military dudes in the barracks, or in a tent, or anywhere for that matter: Clicheville
4)Locker Room/Gym: Done to death and seldom original
5)Two dudes talking in a car/truck or next to it and start getting it on: the only cliche scene that I can think of, that Maestro Gage has maybe dipped into, a little too often…
6)Generic bedroom scenes: dull, dull, dull
7)Dungeon/Cage/S&M Fantasy Room…I’m not into it anyway, but can’t it be more original than a lame dark set with cages, platforms, bars and tire swings? Yawn…
8)Any sex scene that only has a few seconds of set-up…a glance, a look and the guys are naked and in the standard porn mode of 5 minutes of A sucking B; 5 minutes of B sucking A; Salad Tossing; 10-15 minutes of anal; long drawn out slo-mo cum shots repeated three or four times ….ugh.
9)Any scene involving Big Muscle Body Builder Porn Stars with tats and a thick layer of orange body spray…one or two per movie is ok; more than that: no. I don’t know any steroid taking, orange bodybuilders; I don’t fantasize about steroid taking, orange bodybuilders and I don’t have much desire to see them having dull, steroidy, orangey sex…
10)Any scene where I have to look at Michael Lucas’s smug, orange face and scary lips.

No comments: