Friday, January 30, 2009

Time Thief

Facebook is a time thief and I want back the 7 hours I've been on it today.

But, in my defense, I got sucked into looking for old friends and family members and it quickly became an emotional roller coaster. The funniest thing I found was a profile for someone I ended on bad terms with...he had no friends which isn't that surprising since it's difficult to make connections when your boyfriend is/was a male prostitute, but still, it made me howl with delight... More alarmingly, I found way too many people I went to school with, that have grandchildren. Also, most of the men are older, fatter and gayer than when I last saw them. (Yes, GAYER, not grayer; I went to high school/college from 1978 to 1985...the theater/English Lit crowd I hung out with was full of the gay, but it wasn't an era or place (Nebraska) prone to existing outside the closet door, myself included...)

Scariest thing I found was a private profile and picture of the GIRL I had a crush on all the way through grade school...(It was a brain thing; she was the only other literate person in my class). The poor thing is hideously, monstrously unattractive in a "I'm not quite sure of her gender" sort of way...and though it didn't say on her profile, (I couldn't access it unless we were friends), I believe she's had a pretty rough life. When I was still in my hometown gossip loop, I was aware that she had married young and had kids but I think there were mental health issues and perhaps suicide attempts on her part and it sounds like her life hasn't improved much. Seeing her massive, androgynous face staring out from a shitty Sears Photo Studio portait was incredibly depressing...

On a lighter note, I discovered a profile for a much younger male cousin of mine who I haven't seen in 10 years and was never very close to. My brother and I were already pretty much convinced he was a fellow traveler in the Friends of Dorothy fanclub; the kid played the organ at an early age and learned how to mince before he learned how to walk...(also, it runs in the family; out of 8 grandkids, 4 of them are queer, that we know of). My suspicions were confirmed when I found his profile and saw his profile photo. My cuz is curled up with a rather hunky, somewhat older black man in a pose that suggests mutual buggery rather than wholesome male bonding...It's probably best that our mutual grandfather, a man who had to be gradually weened down to using "darkie" to refer to our African-American brethren as opposed to starker, earthier terms, is long since gone from this mortal coil.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Kitchen Bitchin'

As I type this, there are a multitude of people in our workspace kitchen preparing their lunches. Several of them are busily preparing healthful salads; chopping a variety of fresh, heart-healthy produce just as they do several timea a week. Yet, most of the people I see in our workspace kitchen preparing these supposedly low-calorie, whole food meals are incredibly fat...which leads me to wonder, is it all for show? In other words, are they making a big deal of their healthy lifestyle in public, ie, at work, but in their private lives, at home, are gorging out on Frito Pies, Lil' Debby snack cakes and gallons of Fanta? Or, is their rotundity due to a lack of exercise despite their seemingly smart eating habits? Are they happy looking like hippopotamuses as long as they make a pretense of eating right? And why can't they do all their produce chopping, mincing and serrating at home instead of taking up all the counterspace with their food prep, not to mention hogging all the space in the refrigerators with enough roughage to keep Whole Foods stocked for a week?

Who are they trying to kid?

On a similar theme, people should not be allowed to heat up bacon based meals in public kitchens unless they bring enough bacon for everyone to enjoy. The smell of bacon is maddening, especially to those of us with hideously bad cholesterol who shouldn't be eating it. If I ran an office, I would ban bacon based products, (along with malodorous, usually burnt, microwave popcorn), from the work place kitchen out of consideration for those of us who aren't allowed to indulge in this savory delight.

And, to my kosher friends who've never eaten pork, is the smell of well-cooked bacon a mouth watering olfactory delight, or an exercise in sheer torture, or just a benign odor of unknown quality?

Inquiring minds do want to know...

Jughead is the title of tonite's Lost episode...

and it doesn't refer to The Archie's character...Here's some spoilers for you, courtesy of the fine folks at

- One of the best episodes if you like mythology episodes
- Widmore is paying the medical bills for someone
- Jughead as we suspected is a b_ _ _
- Faraday and Widmore have a surprising connection
- We find out how and why Widmore knows about the Island
- No O6 in this episode
- Someone tells Charlotte they love her

Also, there will be Latin, a baby, and a younger version of a character we've already met...and we find out more about the soldiers that attacked the castaways last week. Even though this season's individual episodes aren't quite as character specific or centric, to use a Lost fan term, it would be relatively safe to say that this episode is somewhat Desmond-centric, so if you're a fan of the 'brutha' spouting Scot with the tan chest and flowing locks, you're in for a treat...

Oh, and next week's episode, The Little Prince, features Claire's mom, more nosebleeds and time traveling to an era featuring a bunch of French people on the Island, including a fiery young French woman...I wonder who she could be?

Finally, there's a rumor that there was a casting call for a 25 year old Aaron to feature in a scene set in 2030 to interact with an adult Ji-Yeon...but, the producers have been known to issue fake casting calls or to use fake character names and scripts to confuse spoiler hunting fans, so take it with a grain of Dharma salt. (There's also some interesting fan speculation that Aaron and Ji-Yeon are the Adam and Eve bodies found in the cave in Season One...discuss at will!)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

We should all be GLAAD for our Dina...

Seattle's own beloved Dina Martina, (aka Grady West) has been nominated for a GLAAD Award for her one woman show, "Dina Martina: Off The Charts!" under the category, Outstanding New York Theatre: Off-Off Broadway. The New York winners will be announced March 28th at the Marriot Marquis.

A toast to Dina!

Here she is pictured with "goodfriend", Joyce DeWitt...

To learn more about the fantastic Ms Martina go here:

Or visit your local library...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Slumdogs of Beverly Hills

The many varied reactions to Slumdog Millionaire are so doesn't warrant the raves it's getting, esp about it's clever plot (good brother, bad brother, girl who comes between them was an old standard when D W Griffith was making flickers...)but some of the brickbats are bizarre. The "heinous torture" of children was brief and mostly off camera, and Dickensian in the sense that it felt like it came out of an old story book and didn't have any basis in the reality of real slumdogs in Mumbai. The actors are adorable and the soundtrack is great, but other than that and the flashback story structure of how the uneducated boy was able to answer the gameshow questions, there's not much else to recommend about this's sweet and crowd pleasing and probably going to win the Oscar and in 20 years time people will be asking, "why did that movie win so many awards?" just like we do now about 80% of the movies that have won the Oscar in the past...(ahem, Gandhi/Dances with Wolves/Braveheart/Forrest Gump/Crash)

But, I hope the cast gets work out of this, esp. the adorable Dev Patel as the oldest incarnation of our hero and Anil Kapoor as the swarmy host of Millionaire. Patel is already a rising young actor in his native UK, starring in the hit tv series Skins, and Kapoor is a major star in India, but it would be nice for them to get some Hollywood work...and paychecks.

I'd rather be like this hot Pussy...

instead of slogging away at work but I have bills to pay...many, many, many bills of all hues, religions, nationalities and sexual orientations... And for my Eight Readers out there, here is an employment update for you. I do continue to have a job with the same employer I've had for many, many months, (despite the fact that the high profile company I do contract work for, recently announced they are laying off people for the first time ever, cough, cough...) and though my projects keep ending, I continue to get assigned to new ones, which leads me to believe that there's a continued hope that I shant have to live in a cardboard box in Pioneer Square for the forseeable future, which to quote Martha Stewart, is a good thing.

So a toast to me, for not sucking!

Milk and Pho

What I did yesterday...Finally saw Milk after two previous attempts cancelled by snow/shitty weather. Of course it started snowing a couple hours before I was due to go to the Egyptian but it was decided that in order to break the bizarre Strangeways Snow/Milk Curse that I had to go regardless of how dreadful the weather was...and, oddly enough, about 10 minutes after exiting the theatre last night, the snow stopped. So, officially, Winter is now over.

Later, with different friends, I went to Than Bros and had the #12 which has almost everything in it except the tripe. (I draw the line at tripe because it seems trite and has too many fecal connotations...)We chose Than Bros because it was cold and pho is excellent when it's cold, but primarily because it's ultra cheap and of the three people dining, one of us is unemployed and going to Gene Juarez School of Beauty, the other is on unemployment and me, who is not very gainfully employed. Of course, the unemployed student insisted on paying which means I will have to retaliate by buying her a Tofurkey and leaving it on her door step.

oh, and Milk was very moving and even though he personally annoys the shit out of me, Sean Penn did an amazing job as Harvey Milk and the rest of the cast was excellent though I'm not sure if Josh Brolin really deserves that many acting accolades for his Dan White portrayal; he was good but the part seemed a little small to warrant all the love he's getting. And Diego Luna as one of Milk's lovers was very annoying, which wasn't the actors fault, but the nature of the character as written. And Luna is a very attractive man but bewigged and berobed in the worst of 70's attire had him resembling a Chia Pet that was gangbanged in a Value Village.

The real star of the show is James Franco playing Milk's great love Scott Smith. The reasons for Mr Franco's stardom are readily apparent: his award worthy, pillowy, "please kiss me for the rest of my life" lips, his dreamy, sly, and slightly buzzed eyes, and most importantly, my firm belief that he is a tiger in the sack, capable of hours of prolonged Tantric pleasure for both himself and his partner(s) in rapture. If he's not, I'll eat his hat...

or basket...

or something...

Delusional? Uninformed? Liars?

Lately, I've noticed ads on both Craigslist and Manhunt that contain pictures of men's asses and the claim that they have "bubble butts". Based solely on the provided evidence, many of these claims must be ruled fraudulent. Whether these people are intentionally lying or unintentionally self-deluded or possibly just sadly uninformed about the true nature of a bubble butt, (its perfect geometric curve and saucy, jutting nature), would be cause for further study.

I think Mario Lopez is gross, but he does possess a pretty amazing ass which is ironic considering that he IS a bit of an ass...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


has died. A toast to the very sexy Ricardo Montalban: 1920-2009

The photo is from the LA Times and it's from 1950 and Montalban is training for the movie, "Right Cross".

Monday, January 5, 2009

I'm thrilled that he won, but doesn't it already feel like,

he's been president for the last 10 years?

Am I already Obama'ed out?

I do know that I'm already tired of all the damn Clintonites in the new administration...that's the best they could come up with? With all the layoffs in this country, you think they could have found some fresh new meat...

Not being able to work at work is making me feel...

I'm having connectivity problems at work so I'm sitting here, bored out of my little snot filled mind trying to make it to 4.45pm. (The snot alludes to the fact that I'm battling the THIRD, fucking cold of the season...I'm so sick of phlegm, mucus and any non-sexually transmittted secretions, that I could scream...)

January is the worst month. Cold, grey, bleak and everyone is broke after the holidays. Also, us poor people have to put up with hearing from richer friends about their impending trips to sunny, tropical locations....I hate them and I secretly wish that they are attacked by nasty little monkeys or killer bees or rude flight attendants.