Ouch.

I went to my new doctor yesterday and really, really liked him so I'm happy that I think I've found a GP I can trust. And, happily, my blood pressure was decent and I've already got a few test results back and I'm pleased to report I'm still HiV negative. On the downside, my cholesterol wasn't very good which is troubling since my diet isn't that horrible so that basically means it's time to get off my fat ass and start exercising and losing some blubber. And I HATE exercising. Oh, and I got a long delayed tetanus shot and my arm still hurts like a motherfucker but at least I can rest assured that it's safe for me to play with rusty nails and jagged bits of old barbed wire.

Two things to note: My doctor is young and very cute which is a little disconcerting. Prostate exams are embarrassing and awful no matter what your sexual orientation is, (despite what gay porno films portray), but it seems less so if the doctor is older and/or not sexually attractive to you. When they're much younger than you are, and very attractive, it only makes you feel older and more unattractive. I almost wanted to apologize to him for subjecting him to my flabby rump. But then I remembered he's making huge amounts of money to look at people's asses all day, so I felt less sorry for him...plus, he gets to see quite a few cute asses as well, so it all balances out.

Also, he had a corner office/exam room on the 7th floor of a high rise building with huge windows and views of the city. He reassured me that the windows were mirror-tinted and that no one could see in, but I still felt better when he pulled the blinds. I'm not enough of an exhibitionist to truly enjoy exposing my bunghole to half of Seattle.

At least, not for free.

Sad

not much else to say when an icon dies. Actually, I do have a tiny anecdote...I SAW Paul Newman once, in Kansas City circa 1989, when he was filming Mr & Mrs Bridge. I was walking down the street in downtown KC on my way to work at the Radisson when I saw a tiny but charismatic man wearing a 1940's era suit walking towards me and as we passed one another, my mind immediately clicked and thought, "that dude looks like Paul Newman..." and, of course it was. As always, I refrained from the whole, nerdy, running up to to a celebrity to gush over them thing. It's so tacky.

So, goodbye Mr Newman. You were a sexy piece of manflesh, a good actor, (we'll be forgiving of your encounters with Irwin Allen and Altman's Quintet) and you made a mean pineapple salsa.

And, I'm wondering how long before the post-mortem gay rumors start appearing in print...or, will they be tasteful and wait until Joanne Woodward is dead?

It's baaaaaack...

Trannyshack is coming back to town on Friday, October 24th. As I have said in the past, I find traditional drag to be a major bore and the gay equivalent of a minstrel show, but the bitch/punk divas of the 'shack know how to put on a show.WARNING: If you plan on standing near the front, you could get messy...these bitches are known to go all CarrotTop/Gallagher-ish when it comes to props and the food and fake blood could go flyin'....

Seacrest needs to get Out...

from Defamer:

However, while on the radio this morning, Ryan Seacrest couldn't help getting snarky on his old pal (Clay Aiken)when he sarcastically dropped the line "In other news, water is wet and ice cream is cold" while discussing the news (of Aiken coming out of the closet).

Dear Frosty-Tipped, Mincing, Little, Man-Bitch,

You are strongly suspected of being a Pass Around Party Bottom Homosexual. If not, then you sure as hell look like one. For someone who got his big break in show business courtesy of his "mentor" Merv Griffin, you say a lot of stupid things. I used to kinda like you; now, I hate you.

You are now on my shit list.

You've been warned.

Strangeways

P.S.

You're getting fat and puffy.

And American Idol is running out of steam.

Photo taken from PerezHilton and where he stole it, who knows...it looks vaguely TMZish. It's well over a year old, and the other guy is/was allegedly a close friend of the Seacrest.

The latest national Gallup poll has the race tied at 46% for each candidate.

Naturally, Savage is hyperventilating over at the Stranger...

Here's some recent STATE polls to calm all the nervous Dems:

CNN / TIME / ORC
9/21-23/08
Mode: Live Telephone Interviews
(source)

Colorado 794 LV, 3.5%
Obama 51, McCain 47
Obama 49, McCain 45, Nader 3, Barr 1, McKinney 0

Michigan 755 LV, 3.5%
Obama 51, McCain 46
Obama 49, McCain 43, Nader 3, Barr 2, McKinney 1

Pennsylvania 730 LV, 3.5%
Obama 53, McCain 44
OBama 51, McCain 43, Nader 3, Barr 1

Rasmussen Reports
9/23/08
Mode: IVR

Massachusetts 500 LV, 4.5%
Pres results coming soon...
Sen: Kerry (D-i) 65, Beatty (R) 30

North Carolina 500 LV, 4.5%
Obama 49, McCain 47
Sen: Hagan (D) 48, Dole (R-i) 45, Cole (L) 2

Allstate / National Journal
9/18-22/08
Mode: Live Telephone Interviews
(source)

Michigan 406 RF, 4.9%
Obama 47, McCain 39

New Hampshire 403 RV, 4.9%
Obama 44, McCain 43

Pennsylvania 406 RV, 4.9%
Obama 43, McCain 41

SurveyUSA
9/23-24/08
Mode: IVR

New York State 668 LV, 3.8%
Obama 57, McCain 38

Pennsylvania 1,094 LV, 3%
Obama 50, McCain 44

Note that Obama is now polling AHEAD of McCain in North Carolina, (of coure, this is only one poll) and that Elizabeth Dole, the incumbent, is trailing her opponent in the Senate race.

All polling info is from: http://www.pollster.com/polls/2008president/

Stewart/Colbert are gods! (but, you already knew that...)

Here they are recreating that notorious New Yorker cover from a couple months back.
And does it bother you a little bit that some of the toughest questions being put forward in this presidential race are coming from these two comedians plus Letterman and the ladies from The View? What happened to journalists like Woodward and Bernstein? The days of the tough print reporter seem to be over...

Also, a note to the Emmy people...just go ahead and book both these guys, or one or the other, to host your show next year...enough with the lameass reality show hosts. If you want a long, dull awards show to be entertaining, then hire ENTERTAINERS to do the hosting duties and not cardboard cut-outs.

oh, and I saw this originally on Towleroad.

Exclusive to The Sideshow: A Behind the Scenes Photo from McCain HQ!

Will the McCain presidential campaign go down in history as the worst run in American History?

The ineptitude is mind-blowing.

The lineup for the 13th Seattle Lesbian & Gay Film Festival has been announced...

I'm underwhelmed. There's way too much retro horror, (The Hunger, Rocky Horror, Nightmare on Elm Street 2 and the closing night gala is Elvira: Mistress of the Dark a 20 year old piece of shit which will feature the presence of Elvira herself, the only redeeming aspect for this presentation), not to mention some strange programming. Jeffrey Schwarz's Jack Wrangler documentary, which I've written about previously on the Sideshow, is showing at 2:30pm on Saturday, October 25th. It seems odd to not schedule a big, star-studded, porno documentary at a more desirable and prestigious time. Meanwhile, lots of blah sounding, touchy-feely coming of age features, many of them lesbionic in nature, hog all the prime screenings. And they've brought back the lame, "classic" tv screenings from last year's festival featuring the likes of old "Charlie's Angels" episodes. I'm sure money must be tight for Three Dollar Bill, who put on the festival, just like it is for SIFF, the group that puts on the regular Seattle Film Festival in May/June; our craptastic economy is causing huge problems for arts based non-profits. But personally, I think I'd rather have a smaller but stronger in quality festival than one that's dedicating so much time to promoting crap you can pick up at Blockbuster or Netflix.

The festival runs October 17th thru 26th and for the first time will have screenings in West Seattle at the Admiral and at the newly renovated King Cat Theatre. For more info and schedules, go here: http://www.threedollarbillcinema.org/08/

The photo is from the festival website and it's a still from "Were the World Mine" the Opening Night Gala film by director Tom Gustafson.

Elderly Marlboro Man threatens Strangeways with bodily harm...

I got on the #8 yesterday at about 5.10pm at Denny and Dexter just like I normally do 5 days a week. That bus is notorious for filling up and having to leave people behind at stops along Denny before hitting Capitol Hill and I was happy to snag one of the last seats on the bus, that parallel seat that faces the backdoor on the smaller buses. As soon as I take my seat I hear a masculine voice grumble something about gentlemen and seats. A moment later, the voice makes another louder comment and I realize it's coming from this tall, rangy old guy stanging in the back door well and glaring at all the men sitting down. He's probably about 60, lean and leathery and wearing a very nice leather Harley Davidson jacket. There's a clear outline of a Skoal can in his left rear pocket. We get to the next stop at Denny and Westlake and more people get on and more "ladies" are required to stand while the gentlemen remain seated and the Outraged Old Cowboy really starts going off: "Gawdamned sons of bitches won't give up their seats for a lady!", "What's the fuckin' world coming to when motherfuckers won't stand for a lady?" "It fuckin' makes me sick to see what the world is coming to!" and more of that ilk.

By now, I'm really irritated at this old shithead and glaring at him. He notices and immediately says to me, "Yeah, I'm talking to you!" And I responded with "Give it a rest!", so of course he goes off on me and the everyone on the bus immediately inches away, gasps or rolls their eyes. We bitch back and forth at each other and I ask him, "How gentlemanly is it to curse and say sonofabitch and motherfucker in front of ladies?", and he doesn't have much to say about that and begins threatening to "get off this motherfucking bus" and I reply, "That's a good idea." By the time we got to Denny and Stewart, the fucker was foaming at the mouth and threatening to pull me off the bus. He screams some more and gets off and I wish him a cheery good-bye and he pops his head back in to glare at me and repeat his threat to pull me off, and I just say, "Go for it, dude" but he declines to beat me to death in public and just stomps off muttering.

After he leaves, everyone breathes a sigh of relief and a few people make comments out loud about the situation and a few people look peeved at me for engaging with the nut but a few people seem admiring that I stood up to his crazy bullshit. After he'd left, I did comment that I'd gladly give up my seat to a pregnant woman or anyone old or disabled and who obviously needs a seat and a few men near me agreed but I have to be honest and say that the whole situation was unpleasant and unnecessary and I SHOULD have kept my mouth shut but sometimes you DO have to speak up. And there IS a tiny part of me that feels guilty about sitting when women are standing; I'm old enough to remember a time when "gentlemen" WERE supposed to give up their seat to a "lady" and I did have an old-fashioned, Midwestern upbringing but I also like to remember that women ARE equal to men which means they should get paid the same for the same job AND have to stand on the bus if there aren't enough seats.
And the whole elitist gentlemen/lady thing has always irritated the shit out of me. Class snobbery in British literature is amusing but in reality, it's just a bunch of reactionary, snobby bullshit. Manners and civility are important and frequently absent from everyday life, but many aspects of Victorian propriety are best left dead and buried.

Meanwhile, I have to worry about yet another Arch Enemy out to do me harm...

Write your Senator and Congressional Representative

I just did because the Bush Administration's plan to bail out Wall Street is a shitty, shitty idea that will cripple this country worse than any depression. It's designed to bail out financial institutions that got themselves into a shithole because of their own greed and with the cooperation of the Republicans who spearheaded the deregulation of the banking and finacial services industries. The bail out will help the rich and only handicap the average American by burdening this country with horrendous debt. I'm not one for conspiracy theories but it smells like the Republicans know they're screwed in November and they want to hamper the Obama administration with this shit for the next four years...

So, write your two Senators and your Representative. Just Google, "Contact your Senator or Representative".

NOW!

All the Stars are in Lower Queen Anne!

I had a HUGE celebrity sighting last night in Lower Queen Anne/Uptown. I was walking with my friends on our way to a fine meal at Mecca and just as we passed Dicks, who do you think we run into??!?!?!?! THIS asshole:Michael Medved, arch-conservative commentator, movie and media critic, gadfly, and Mercer Island resident was lurking around the back of Dick's Uptown last night...(or maybe he was coming from a screening of something at the Uptown; did they show "The Greatest Story Ever Told" last night?)

I used to kinda like Michael Medved back in the day when he was the funny Jewish movie critic who replaced Siskel & Ebert when they jumped ship from their original PBS show. He also wrote a series of entertaining film books called "The Golden Turkey Awards" about movies so bad that they're almost good. Then, he quickly turned into a tiresome, shrewish old bitch ranting about the liberal evils of Hollywood.

He was never pretty, but it's nice to see he's NOT aging well.

Una disculpa al pueblo de España

Para el noble y orgulloso pueblo de España: El inteligente pueblo de los Estados Unidos de América gustaría pedir disculpas por los últimos, inflamatoria observaciones hechas por nuestro actual Presidente y el candidato conservador a la Presidencia de los Estados Unidos. Esas observaciones generales y la actitud negativa hacia su país multa por nuestro actual administración presidencial no representan las opiniones del promedio de América. Amamos y respetamos su país, su gente, sus tradiciones y su cultura. George W Bush y su administración y John McCain son idiotas y una vergüenza para todos los estadounidenses. Por suerte, el inteligente pueblo de los Estados Unidos prevalezca y elegir al hombre correcto, Barack Obama, nuestro próximo presidente. Una vez más, nuestras disculpas y los mejores deseos.

Gracias,

Miguel Strangeways

Quandry

I received this email today from renowned adult filmmaker Joe Gage...I'm terribly worried and not sure what I should do!?!?!?!?!

Subject: PLEASE VERY URGENT...
To:

Am in hurry writing you this short message and I am sorry I didn't inform you about my traveling. I traveled to Malaysia and i got my self stranded. I am really stranded in Malaysia because I forgot my little bag in the Taxi where my money, passport, documents, cell phone which i have all my contacts and other valuable things were kept on my way to the Hotel am staying, I am facing a hard time here because i have no money on me. I am now owning a hotel bill of $1,400 and they wanted me to pay the bill soon else they will have to hand me over to the Hotel Management, I need this help from you urgently to help me back home, I need you to help me with the hotel bill and i will also need $2,300 to feed and help myself back home so please can you help me with a sum of $3,700 USD to sort out my problems here. I am sending you this e-mail from the city Library, I will appreciate what so ever you can afford to send me for now and I promise to pay back your money as soon as i return home. So please use the details of one of the hotel managers below to transfer the money to me through Western Union money transfer or money gram because that is the only way i could be able to get it fast and leave since he has a valid ID to pick up the money for me from the western union. This is the detail below....

Name: Eric Maxwell
Address: 20B Jalan Loke Yew, Bandar Malaka, Malaysia
Text Question: To whom
Answer: Joe Gage

After you have send the money, email to me the western union money transfer control number or you can attach and forward to me the western union money transfer receipt so that i can pick up the money fast and leave. Right now, i dont have any acess to phone communications because the phone in my hotel room had been disconnected due to too much bills imposed on me, i only have acess to the computer at the library where am sending you this email right now.

Hope to hear from you soon. The embassy here has already promised to give me a covering traveling papers that i will need to have my way back home, all i need right now is the money to settle up the bills and leave.

Thanks and get back to me soon.

Best Regards,

Joe

Cube Wars

While I was gone on my Magical Mystery Tour of Topeka, some co-workers/friends decided to redecorate my cubicle at work. I'm still deciding whether to be irritated or touched but regardless, my revenge will be cruel and merciless...


The Obama picture and the nerd/Stranger cover picture were already up there...my friends added the unicorns. There's about a dozen unicorns all told inhabiting every surface of my cube.

Buh Bye

Conde Nast Portfolio.com is reporting that Microsoft is going to pull those new, lameass ads featuring Jerry Seinfeld and founder Bill Gates...check it out here: http://www.portfolio.com/views/blogs/mixed-media/2008/09/17/microsoft-copping-to-10-million-mistake

I guess I'm not the only one who didn't understand the purpose of those ads. Why would you hire Seinfeld, a comedian who was a hot commodity 10 years ago, and feature your aging and now retired founder to try and rebrand your company and product as something contemporary and vital and current? An ad featuring two men in their 50's, iconic to be sure, but past their date of freshness is not going to jumpstart your image or convince 20somethings that your product is cool and rush out to use it. Those ads were nostalgic in tone; looking backward and not forward.

Also, except for the use of Bill Gates' actual mugshot from his 70's arrest, it wasn't at all funny, only tired and belabored.

UPDATE: Gizmodo is now reporting that this rumor is not true; Microsoft is still going to continue the series of ads. Apparently, they don't want to waste the $10million bucks they spent to make them.
http://gizmodo.com/5051682/microsoft-ads-featuring-bill-gates-and-jerry-seinfeld-not-canceled

What happened next...

Monday, my final day in Topeka, was spent packing and saying goodbye to my friends, and a tearful farewell to the 5 cable equipped televisions in their house. Before leaving town, we drove past the few places we had missed on our previous trips down Memory Lane and I was pleased to see quite a few Obama signs planted on front lawns and not that many McCain signs. I don't think it means anything; my guess is that the Republican National Committee and the McCain campaign doesn't think it very necessary to spend the money on a lot of yard signs in a state that's as solidly red as Kansas. And, I have to mention, the majority of the Obama signs I saw were in a old, arty neighborhood near Washburn University, one of the few liberalish spots in town. I didn't see any Obama signs in the suburban neighborhood I was staying in, though I didn't see any McCain signs either.

I also had to get some pictures of the Fred Phelps Westboro Church anti-gay picketeers out on their daily picket line. If you aren't aware of these evil clowns, you should be; go look them up on Google. My friend even bravely drove me past their compound so I could get a couple shots; she was worried because she heard they had the place covered with hidden cameras and didn't want them harrassing her; they really are looney tunes and her kids have to go to school with some of the kids from that cult. (I've always thought it strange that they don't homeschool their kids, or set up their own church school like so many other culty churches, but they seem to prefer mixing in with the public as much as they can. They really do thrive on publicity.) And I was sadly disappointed to NOT see the grand poobah himself, Fred Phelps, but the man is incredibly old and it's been rumored that he's been slowly dying for years. Still, it had been a long time since I'd seen the old fraud and really wanted a final glimpse of his cadaverian body clad in it's usual armor of skin tight Spandex...

After that, we headed to the airport and my final indignity of my trip; the fuckers at security confiscated my packed bottle of BBQ sauce in my carry-on! I had the option to check my bag, but I'd packed everything in one small bag so I wouldn't have to mess with bag check so I said screw it. My guess is, hundreds of bottles of BBQ sauce end up in the hands of the FTA, and those fuckers probably have a monster bbq party every month or so, or sell it to be repackaged as KC Masterpiece and make a tidy profit...

After I boarded the plane, I noticed that the woman sitting next to me was eating this huge, takeout salad in a plastic container, which pissed me off...there's far more potential for explosive devices or weapons to be hidden in her monster salad than in my little bottle of tangy and delicious BBQ sauce.

This country is SO fucked up.

NOTE: the mediocre photos are by ME. The picket sign says "Thank God for IEDs" (meaning improvised explosive device; Westboro Baptist is also anti-soldier, anti-war, and anti-American as well as anti-gay. They also hate Canada for some reason.) and anti-Phelps protesters spray painted, "God hates the Phelps" on the marquee of the church sign.

More of the story...

Friday night, after I arrived at my hosts' home on the outskirts of Topeka, we chilled and had a delicious homemade spaghetti dinner in between bonding moments with the host's 11 and 7 year old sons, my so-called nephews. Jake, the 11 yr old, wanted me to spend hours watching him play various on-line computer games involving wizards, magic wands and endless quests to find magic amulets, while Josh, the 7 yr old, was under the impression I was some sort of new, stretchy, bouncy fun toy for him to pummel and bruise. Except for a traumatic vomiting incident by the overly excited and overly over-snacked 11 year old and the irritation of having to listen to a room full of overly excited and overly inebriated adult male heterosexuals while they watched a college football game, it was an enjoyable evening.

Saturday was spent driving around and going down various Memory Lanes, much to the chagrin of the 7 year old, ("Are we done going down Memory Lane? Memory Lane is BORING!") I also got to enjoy lunch at my favorite bbq restaurant and had to endure a tour of the busy commercial strip of Topeka and all it's newest chain restaurants; apparently, Topeka now has a branch of everything except The Cheesecake Factory...

Saturday nite, we went to Chili's for dinner, then dumped the kids off at grandma's while the grownups went to a cheap tavern for booze and pool. I had a good time slumming in a dive and vastly enjoyed my "Slippery Nipples" as well as my attempts to annoy the locals by playing Shirley Bassey and Scissor Sisters incessantly on the jukebox. (In my defense, it was a reaction to the non-stop barrage of Bon Jovi and Metallica). It was also enormously entertaining to watch a gaggle of local hootchies put the moves on one of my host's single male friends. He is recently separated from his wife and nervously on the market, but he was encouraged to refrain from sampling the wares of a cadre of barely legal porkettes whose slutty outfits and garishly applied make-up seemed to scream out, "Chlamydia: Come and Get It!"

It was a fun evening.

Sunday was spent lounging around the house and I was introduced to an entire world of Bravo produced entertainment...I'm not sure how I've gone this long in life without the joys of Project Runaway, Top Design, and Tabatha's Salon Takeover. I had at least heard of the first two shows, but the delightful Tabatha was an unknown quantity and let me tell you, it's fucking great! It's a simple premise; a virtual copy of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares...A bitchy, British hairdresser to the stars, (who I've never heard of, prior to this show), goes around to tacky beauty salons and gives them a makeover which basically consists of giving everyone involved a good, swift, well-deserved kick in the arse. The best episode I saw, was one where she went to this gawdawful, strip-mall salon on Long Island populated by a bunch of rejects from a Sopranoes extras casting call, or perhaps, a traveling carnival. There was a delicious amount of blue eyeshadow AND blue language, not to mention the fact that all the hairdressers themselves had horrible hairdos, which Tabatha also noticed and in order to teach them how to be classy, she took them all to a posh, high-end salon in Manhattan and gave them all make-overs. For the most part, they all still looked pretty trashy, but at least in was a fresh, up-to-date kind of trashy instead of the tired 80's looks they'd been sporting before. And, what I really appreciated about this show, was that it did NOT have a happy ending...when Tabatha came back for her 6 week check-up, the deadbeat owners were no where to be found and hadn't stuck to any of the improvements and the poor hairdressers were upset that things had gone back to the way they were before Tabatha showed up...but at least they had cute new hair-dos and personally, off camera, I bet Tabatha advised them to jump ship and find themselves a better salon to work in...

More to come.

Journey into Darkness

I'm back from my 4 day trip to Kansas and would like to say I survived with both my mental and physical health intact, but I do feel a little groggy and hungover. I didn't really drink very much so I'm blaming my frazzled state on an excess consumption of chain restaurant food, cigarettes, hours and hours of Bravo watching, the excessive humidity and the annoyances of airports and air travel in general...I didn't post anything while I was ON my trip, so here's a rough synopsis of how it went, in diary form:

Friday, the 12th: Got up at the ungodly hour of 3:15 in the morning in order to catch a bus to the airport...I missed my bus by about 30 seconds, so I had to call a cab to get downtown to catch the 194 to the airport. I made it, with about 1 minute to spare and thoroughly do not enjoy my journey which consists largely of drunk, smelly people on their way home after a night of binge drinking and drugs in the alleyways of downtown Seattle. There is a smattering of airport bound travellers and a couple airport workers, but for the most part, it's a bunch of drunks and the indigent. The bus smells like a cheap shoe that a chronic alcoholic has repeatedly vomited, shat and pissed upon. But, I have a bus pass and it's free, so who am I to complain?

I get to the airport, breeze through security and onto the plane...about a half hour in to the flight, I'm jonesing for a smoke, so I pop some nicotine gum into my mouth, kindly supplied by a friend of mine. Unfortunately, I've never tried nicotine gum before and I seem to have a reaction to it; my throat starts closing up and I feel like throwing up. I quickly spit it out and decide it was probably dumb to use nicotine gum only 45 minutes after chain smoking 4 cigarettes outside the terminal...

I have to change planes in Denver and fortunately, the kind souls in the Colorado state legislature put in a clause in their indoor smoking ban/law that provides for a smoking lounge in the airport...it's attached to a tacky airport bar/restaurant and you're required to buy something to sit in there, but I don't begrudge them $2.50
for a Pepsi and a chance to chain smoke in between flights. I grab an overpriced turkey/cranberry sandwich, buy a new book and catch my flight to KC.

I'm met at the gate by my gracious hosts, my longtime friend Kelly and her boyfriend Aaron and quickly readapt to the torpid humidity of the Midwest...it's about 70 degrees with 99% humidity and gray and rainy when I land. The irony of Seattle having nicer (meaning warmer, sunnier and drier) weather than the Midwest, is not lost on me...

Oh, and the Seattle airport gets an A for their food/retail, (Love the Border's Bookstore) and Denver gets a C for a rotten selection of food options but a decent bookstore, and Kansas City gets an F for very rotten selection of food and NO bookstores.

More to come.

Photo by ME, all rights reserved.

Office News...Toby's Back in Scranton.

Apparently, Paul Lieberstein's Toby character, last seen declaring his love for Pam and subsequently quitting his job at Dunder-Mifflin/Scranton to go live in Costa Rica, is coming back to the show. Here's a transcript of an interview he and his Office replacement, Amy Ryan gave recently: http://www.officetally.com/paul-lieberstein-amy-ryan-conference-call#more-1846

There are some spoilerish things in there, so if you're sensitive to that sort of thing, don't read it...but if you do read it, check out the comments below...I like the one that suggests that big dumb Kevin might actually be the sperm-donating father of Jan's baby; the dude IS always desperate for money, and that would be funny as fuck, if he was the baby-daddy.

Kansas

I'm going there tomorrow morning for a long weekend to visit friends...it'll be nice to see them, but I'm guessing it will be exhausting; it's a "family" trip and will involve quality time with a very active 7 and 11 year old. I'm hoping to bring back lots of fascinating photos and if I'm lucky, I'll get some great shots of the lovely Westboro Church/Fred Phelps Clan out picketing on some streetcorner in Topeka, their homebase. I'm also looking forward to some good BBQ from my favorite place, Grover's and I'm planning on bringing back as many bottles as I can fit in my luggage.

I'm irritated by a couple things, though...To save money, I'm taking the bus to Sea-Tac and I have to leave at 4.15 in the fucking morning in order to make my 6.20 flight AND the weather is suppossed to be bleh in Kansas, wet and cool, while it's suppossed to be really nice in Seattle and probably the last decent weekend we'll have this summer...I am NOT a lucky person.

Also, I hate to fly AND I smoke so it should be a delightfully stressful trip. I have a two hour layover in Denver, on the way to Kansas City, so I'm hoping that's enough time for me to get outside of the terminal and have at least a couple smokes...otherwise, I'll have to run into a deserted airport restroom, and take three fast drags off a cigarette and blow the smoke into the toilet. Not very satisfying and liable to get me a ticket, or at the very least, a proposition from a Larry Craig type lurker...now, if it's a Daniel Craig type lurker, then I'm totally doing him in the stall.

Eric Joyner

This made me smile...he has an interview at FecalFace (http://www.fecalface.com/SF/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1243&Itemid=92) and a new show called Artificial Enlightenment at Corey Helford: http://www.coreyhelfordgallery.com/#

Ryan Heshka is in the new BLAB...

I'm guessing this is his vision of the Rapture...

check BLAB out here: http://www.blab-world.com/

and it's published by our hometown heroes: http://www.fantagraphics.com/

check out Vancouverian Ryan Heshka here: http://ryanheshka.com/

That Awkward Moment...

I'm always a little hesitant about revealing anything too private on this blog; I'm notoriously close mouthed when it comes to my private life. I don't have problems with relating humorous little anecdotes about my day to day life, but I've never been comfortable with talking about feelings, emotions and the assorted gunky stuff that comprises one's life. However, in an effort to get away from my usual reportage of movies/porn stars/rants and raves, and since I'm in a sharing mood I've decided to spill some beans, (and honey, these are some JUICY-ASS beans!!) But first, I'll have to fill you in on a little backstory...

About a year and a half ago, I did one of those stupid, stupid things that everyone always warns you against; I fell in love with someone I worked with. And, no, it wasn't a "crush". I've had plenty of crushes, both platonic and lustful, with co-workers, classmates, neighbors and people I see on the bus everyday; who hasn't? As long as they don't turn into obsessions, crushes are healthy and normal. My feelings for "Mr X" went beyond that, and to cut a very long, complicated story short, Mr X wasn't available and so I kept my feelings to myself for several months. Naturally
the truth did eventually come out and things were soap operatic to the extreme for a week or so with revelations emerging from the both of us that would have easily served as a season long series of plot lines for a gay, x-rated version of Twin Peaks. Eventually, things settled down and we tried to be friends and it seemed to be going successfully for awhile, but not very surprisingly, we had a fight over something stupid and trivial and...he ended it. Obviously, it was his way to escape the situation and obviously it was healthier for me in the long run, but it still hurt like a son of a bitch for most of last summer. AND, to make matters worse, he only lives about 8 blocks from me, on the other side of 15th Street, so I spent the first several months after the "break-up" worrying/hoping that we'd eventually run into each other. Naturally, for awhile, I had fantasies that we'd run into each other in front of Walgreens or Jamjuree and our eyes would meet and he'd run into my arms and we'd kiss passionately, but even those fantasies dwindled away and I figured we'd just eventually run into each other and smile warmly to each other and move on. But, as the weeks and months passed, that didn't happen either and I started to wonder if he had moved away and began to feel relieved that our 15th Street reunion was apparently never meant to be...until Saturday.

Saturday afternoon it was decided at our apartment complex that we'd do some barbecuing in the courtyard. I needed to pick up a few things for dinner and some change to do laundry so I walked to Safeway. About 30 seconds after walking into the store, I saw HIM and his BF and I'm pretty sure they saw me, too. We pretended to not see each other and made an effort to grab our stuff and get out of the store as quickly as possible. After I got the hell out of the store with my groceries, I managed to hold it together long enough to not have a complete meltdown and made it home to have a very stiff gimlet and ponder what the fuck had just happened. It was so awkward and weird and unnerving to see him again, after a whole year of not seeing him, and yeah, I have to be honest and say that it did stir up some old emotions. What made the whole thing even odder, was that I really hadn't been thinking much about him for quite awhile but last week, someone I know saw a nekkid picture of Mr X on the Internet and showed it to me...I'd never seen a nude photo of him before, (I've seen TONS of the BF; you can't go two feet on the 'nets without seeing THAT leathery, over-priced, worn-out, old sausage...)and to be honest, it didn't do much for me. He has a great body, but he's not very comfortable with himself and takes an awkward picture...it was kind of an 'eh' moment for me which was sort of comforting for me to know that I was moving on...But then we ran into each other and I actually saw him, for a split second or two, and it made me realize that there is a little something there, a little piece of him, and his heart, and his eyes, and his hands, and the nape of his neck, that is still lurking around like a little toad in the primordial goo of my heart.

More Stars than there are in the Heavens!!!

On my way home from work yesterday afternoon about 5:15pm, I was driving down 15th and was privileged enough to experience not just one, but TWO celebrity sightings! Right in front of Liberty, THIS newly buffed stud and sex columnist was spotted getting ready to either get on his bike to go home to his hubby, or maybe he was contemplating if he could get away with jaywalking across 15th as a act of civil defiance but regardless, he was prominently displayed in front of his favorite Capitol Hill watering hole. It's not really that exciting of a sighting since Savage goes to Liberty after work about 19 times a week, but it still gives me a cheap thrill to see our literati out mingling with the common man, or in this case, the common hipster...

AND, you can only imagine the tingle I got following the Savage Sighting, when about three blocks further south on 15th near the Safeway and the Church of Aquarius when I was fortunate enough to see THIS endearing figure, wafting down the boulevard in his perpetual haze of diaphanously hirsute beauty. I couldn't tell if Mr Odyssey was just out on a stroll or devoting himself to trash removal, but either way his presence on our streets is a vital thread in the fabric of our urban life...

...but only if he keeps his weiner covered.

Credits: Savage/Cooper by Savage/The Stranger
Boe Odyssey by Life is Art/Flickr

So MOVE to Canada, already! What the fuck are you waiting for?

The Dems are a little lagging in the polls after the RNC, (which is perfectly natural and normal) but of course the Negative Nancy's and Henny Penny's are emerging from the Democratic closet to start their whining and squeeling and keening and hand-wringing and their lemming-like declarations that they'll move to Canada or New Zealand or the Netherlands if Obama loses and the Evil Ones win...Every motherfucking election year, it's the same old story and every motherfucking election year none of the pussies actually go through with it. It's so tired. (And, if the worst DOES happen, and Obama loses, I expect all you fuckers to go through with it and get the fuck out of the US. I'll even come help some of you pack up and move if it means I don't have to listen to your goddamned whining every four years.)

Please get a new bit, people. Or grow a backbone, or get out and do something about the situation by donating your time and money...just shut up and do something besides whine in so unoriginal manner.

And, do some research before you begin kvetching. Despite McCain's gains in the national polls and even in some state polls, Obama is still leading nicely in enough states to comfortably have around 217 electoral votes; 243 if you think Pennsylvania is a sure thing, (which I do). We've got a long way to go, but things are STILL looking good at this point, as long as people don't freak out, give up and stop fighting to take back the White House.

Also, quit obsessing over Palin. It helps fuel the Rovian fires of Hell.

Image is from here: http://www.bruteprop.com/v1/core.html

Math is Hard!

Image: Alex Wong/Getty

Beer Heiress Barbie has a brain freeze at the RNC!

Let's all join our Republican friends tonite as they celebrate re-breaking a glass ceiling that the Democrats broke 24 years ago with Geraldine Ferraro! (to put it in perspective, your current Veep candidate was 20 years old!)

Way to go, guys! We're proud of you!

The Ratings Race

Obama's speech last Thursday at the DNC had 38 million TV viewers, not taking into account C-Span or PBS or the Internets. In comparison, Bush had about 28 million viewers 4 years ago at the RNC. I'm on pins and needles to hear what the viewership totals will be for McCain's acceptance speech on Thursday...will he beat Bush, and if so, by how much?

I'm going out on a limb and predicting LESS than Bush...around 26 or 27 million, and only if there's nothing else on TV that night like an "Are You Being Served?" marathon on some renegade PBS station or an encore presentation of that Denise Richards reality show, "Confessions of a Former Call-Girl"...

Oh, and here's a map from two years ago from SurveyUSA after they polled people on who would win in an Obama/McCain match-up...

UPDATE: Well, when I'm wrong, I'm REALLY fuckin' wrong and the limb I was on was flimsier than Palin's political experience...but to be honest, I'm thinking that the huge numbers for McCain and Palin (Palin's equaling Obama and McCain doing slightly better), probably reflect the fact that a larger number of Dems tuned in to check out their speeches than the number of Repubs who tuned in to watch Obama.

Smokers are Jokers...

I'm bored and can't think of anything else to post or write about...I'm already sick of Sarah Palin and her snowbilly brood. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the weather will be nice this weekend so I can go to the beach at least one last time before fall sets in permanently....