Separated at Birth?

Everyone is pointing out the Tina Fey or Megan Mullally resemblance to Republican VP candidate Sarah "Who?" Palin but there's also a strong physical AND idealogical link to Peggy Hill...

Has anyone asked?

How many igloos does Sarah Palin and her Eskimoe husband own?

(Full disclosure: I saw this line on a comment on Wonkette and had to repeat it...it's brilliant.)(It was originally posted by Jenna' on the Liveblogging thread:
http://wonkette.com/402358/liveblogging-vpilf-sarah-palin-greeting-america#comments)

And...did McCain pick her to secure the all-important Eskimoe vote?

And...will Mattel put out a Veep/MILF version of Barbie this fall?

And...cannot wait for the talk shows/comedians/sketch shows to go to town on this...I"m hoping that South Park does something.

And...Hillary will NOT tolerate another woman getting into the West Wing before her...I think this is going to prompt HRC to go to town on Palin's ass.

And...the woman says NOOK-U-LAR...she deserves everything that is going to get dished out on her.

HUH?

This isn't just a left field choice...it's more like three blocks from the ball park in an alley behind an abandoned warehouse choice. It seems so desperate and obvious...do Republicans think people are dumb and are not going to see this? Do they think that all the upset Hillary supporters are going to vote for McCain now because his Veep choice also has a vagina? And why would you go for a Veep choice who has ZERO national political experience thereby destroying the rather affective tool of going after Obama for his suppossed lack of national experience? And do they think the indie voters are going to be comfortable with an inexperienced governor from a tiny, far away state as a vice-president to an elderly President who could quite possibly die in office? Is SHE ready to be president?
It all seems really dumb and desperate and crazy and unlikely to work but...who knows? America has done dumber things.

Note: the picture is of Sarah Palin when she was a beauty pageant contestant in her younger days and I grabbed it off Google image and have no idea where it originally comes from, nor do I care much...Oh, and her talent at pageants was flute playing...

Recently seen on Towleroad...

and Eternally Lame.

Shitty, poorly made, overpriced, sweatshop made clothes for dimwitted frat boys, aging soccer dads, and clueless gays. The only positive attribute this company has made to society, is that their ubiquitous baseball caps cover the bald spots of millions of American men and help them keep skin cancer at bay.

But the cologne is ok, in moderation, but the men who wear A&F cologne NEVER wear it in moderation; the dumbfuckers take a bath in it.

And "Fiscally Republican"? Does this mean that the company has a huge budget deficit? 'Cause the last time I checked, every Republican president of the last 28 years has left office with a huge deficit, while the only Democratic president left office with a huge surplus...Might want to rethink that business strategy, A&F...

I wish I could go to this...

I'm just going to cut and paste the info from the email I just got from ObeyGiant.com:

Over 100 pieces will go on display at White Walls in a timely new show called “Duality in Humanity.” The show marks a bit of a departure for the artist, whose unique form of reverse propaganda emerged from the spirit of the punk movement. With this show, Shepard takes a step back from the ‘calls to action’ against mindless consumerism and war evidenced in previous shows like 1984ia, E Pluribus Venom and Imperfect Union. “The difference between this show and the previous ones is that now Obama is in the mix,” Shepard said. His recent work reflects his own personal shift towards a new optimism, a direct result of his involvement with, and inspiration by, the powerful political ideals of Barack Obama.

The title of the show, “Duality of Humanity,” is inspired by the peace-sign wearing US soldier in Vietnam, ‘Joker,’ in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. A central piece is a child with a gun in his hand and a flower in his hat. That theme of soldiers and weapons bearing peace signs, or peace signs comprised of military effects, runs through many pieces in the show. Environmental themes also appear in some pieces, illustrating the tenuous balance between our dangerously uncontrolled consumption of non-renewable resources, and our well-intentioned eco-concerns. Suffering and hope are seamlessly merged in a visual mash-up that defies expectations and easy answers.

“Duality of Humanity” includes larger mixed media pieces on paper that has been covered with carefully collaged Ephemera, self-printed patterns and found clippings from printed media. The backgrounds provide a seductive painterly texture and visual subtext, often allowing apropos words and images to bleed through the iconic images printed over them. The multiple layers create a sense of depth, but also bring in temporal elements through preserved newsclippings, historic images and vintage printing effects. It is the images in the foreground, however, that give the work its power. They are crisp and provocative, communicating in a way that is direct and clear.
For Info please visit www.whitewallssf.com

In case you haven't figured it out, I'm a huge fan of Shepard Fairey's work. His new show opens Sept 13th at WhiteWalls Gallery in San Francisco and runs through Oct 4th. Fairey has also done a huge amount of work for the Obama campaign and he's co-hosting an event at Milk Bar in SF after this gallery opening. Here's the poster for THAT event, also by Fairey.

Payday!

So I stupidly wandered onto Amazon.com to do a little browsing, and now I have two (used) books and two (new) DVD's on their way to me, which I really cannot afford and what little extra money I had this week should have been spent on getting some new shoes since my primary pair of sneakers, (fake Chuck Taylors from Payless) have holes in their soles...

The reason I went to Amazon in the first place, was to check out Ron Jeremy's biography. There was a piece about it in Time which was reprinted on Defamer and I was assuming that it was a recent thing, but it was published over a year ago so I'm a little confused as to why it's getting press at this late date. I guess it really isn't that big of a surprise, considering that The Hedgehog is a master of self-promotion, but it's still a bit strange... I'm also posting this hot, hot picture of him, and yeah, I think Ron WAS hot, for about a week and a half, back in the day when he was just a hairy, humpy, middle class, Jewish, school teacher in his early 20's trying to break into show business. I admit he hasn't aged well, but, who the hell has besides Senator Rodham Clinton and Helen Mirren?

And to balance out the very hetero book purchase, I also ordered the bio of Hollywood costume designer Edith Head and was thrilled to discover that her hard to find and pricy autobiography is being reprinted next month, which I didn't order.

And my two DVD purchases were similarly yin/yang or faggy/breedery...David Fincher's "Zodiac" film from last year and the Claudette Colbert starring "Midnight", a Billy Wilder co-penned screwball comedy from 1939 directed by Mitchell Leisen. I thought "Zodiac" was one of the best films of last year, and unfortunately ignored by the end of the year awards and "Midnight" is just a delightful romp, in the same league with "Bringing Up, Baby" and "The Lady Eve".

UPDATE: The Jeremy and Head books were slight but entertaining; Zodiac is an excellent thriller and David Fincher's best work and the deluxe dvd has some great features including interviews with many of the people from the case, but "Midnight" was a bit of a disappointment; not as good as I had remembered it. It still has charm and some laughs and I still recommend seeing this movie, but it's NOT quite in the same league with Baby/Eve...(but John Barrymore is very funny in one of his final roles.)

A trio of news announcements: 2 bad/1 good.

We had a small barbecue/party in our beloved courtyard on Saturday with about 25 people. It was suppossed to have included croquet, but we never got around to it. It was nice, but the evening was tempered by a series of announcements from friends we hadn't seen in awhile. Bombshell #1 came from a sapphic couple who told me upon arrival that they were breaking up, but amicably, or at least amicable enough to still live in the same house and come to the party together. It was a major bummer since they've been together a long time, (at least 11 years I think) and I like the both of them very much. It makes parties and get togethers so complicated when a couple you like breaks up and you have to continually worry about showing equal affection for both, (if you like both of them). The news didn't make me very happy.

Bombshell #2 came from my friends who had twins 15 months ago after years of trying to get pregnant and ultimately having to go the fertility specialist route in order to conceive. Well, as it frequently happens, they're pregnant AGAIN and due next May which means they'll have three children under the age of two! They weren't trying to get pregnant and not undergoing any sort of fertility treatments, so it was a bit of a surprise for them. It also means, they'll have to get a bigger house and will probably end up having to move from Wallingford to further afield in order to afford a larger house. Obviously, this is happy news but still pretty surprising. At this point in the evening, after all these bombshells had filtered throughout the party, (no one stood up and announced anything; it was all done relatively low-key), it was natural for several people to nervously joke, "uh-oh; what't the third bombshell going to be?" One person even worried that since we'd had a breakup and a birth, the only thing left, was DEATH! There was a lot of nervous tittering, but even people that aren't very superstitious tend to get creeped out by the possiblity of the theory of three things happening in a row. But, it was still a good party, mainly conversational in tone and most of the guests were gone by 10pm, (we started at 3pm) and the residents at my complex stayed up to midnight or so, chatting and drinking in the courtyard. (Note to Sawyer: thanks for the tequila, but it gave me a wicked headache the next day...)

Well, cut to the next day, (actually the next evening) and several of us who were at the party get an email from the expectant mom with the twins I mentioned in the above paragraph. Her husband's mom, Joyce, who many of us had met when she had visited them in the past, had just passed away in Reno from complications from emphysema.

Yeah, we were a little creeped about by the coincidence and those of us who had met Joyce were sad that she was gone. She was an interesting lady, to say the least. A tough Nevadan who had worked in "juvie" and at age 80 was still working part-time in a cocktail lounge in Winnemucca, she could be best described as an American original; one of those people that you'll never get out of your head. I only met her on a couple of occassions, but I immensely enjoyed our competitive Scrabble game and frequent smoke breaks together because you always got a fascinating running commentary on her sardonic views of the world told in a whisky and smoke tinged voice that would rank up there with Bea Arthur, Elaine Stritch and Marge Simpson's sisters, Patty and Selma. The last time I saw her in May, she chewed me out for not saying hello to her upon my arrival, but forgave me and we had a nice chat/ciggie break outside her grandson's first birthday party. When I remarked that her son's family would have to move soon due to their rapidly expanding family, she replied, "Yeah, they need to get out of this little crackerbox (or was it rattrap?) and find something bigger..."

My condolences to her family and a toast to Joyce Olay!

(The image is a painting called Triplet Redux and I found it at this website:
http://coverthatmother.blogspot.com/2008/04/triplet-on-etsys-prime-estate.html)

A frequent runner up in the Worst Album Cover sweepstacks...

Manowar's Anthology cover is ridiculous and over the top...but, it DOES make me feel all tingly down THERE...Hot, Italian men with bitchin' bods: YUM!

Here's a picture of the group, back in the day...and not looking quite as good as they do on the album cover...

And here's a current picture of the lineup...I don't think they have the same original lineup, though...there's been some changes over the years. Not quite as yummy as they were in their salad days and definitely there's some gut suckage going on here, and/or some industrial strength corsets. And the hair is just too...groomed. The tall guy with the straight hair looks a little like Kathy Griffin...

We have a winner...

in the contest for worst album cover, EVUH!!

Something to offend EVERYONE...

One Tough Cookie

Do. Not. Fuck. With. Christina. Applegate.

America's favorite Bundy and current Emmy nominated "Samantha Who?" star, Christina Applegate was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago and made the very difficult decision to have a double mastectomy despite only having cancer detected in one breast, and receiving a relatively early diagnosis. Many women and certainly the majority of young, beautiful Hollywood actresses would have probably made the choice to do as much as possible to avoid having to go through a double mastectomy even if it meant debilitating chemotherapy. But Applegate had been a witness to her own mother's battle with breast cancer and also knowing that she carried the gene that causes breast cancer she did not want to take any risks or deal with the pain and uncertainty that the cancer could return. So, she takes an agressive stance and basically says, "Fuck this; I am not going to be victim; I am going to be a survivor". This woman has nerves of steel and made a bold, tough decision, one that I refuse to call "ballsy". I don't see the need to equate an act of boldness with a masculine attribute when said act is accomplished by a woman. She's living proof that you don't need testicles to be a tough cookie and you don't necessarily need a pair of large breasts to be a beautiful woman.

A toast to Christina Applegate.

Vote...or Die...

Warhol was convinced that this portrait he did for the McGovern campaign in '72 angered the Nixon administration so much that it led to Warhol being audited by the IRS for many years afterward...or it could have just been that by the early 70's, Warhol was making so much money and had so many different business ventures going that it was just business as usual for the IRS. Regardless, this is a great and iconic Warholian image.

True Life Stories

On my way to work today, I got off the #8 at Denny and Dexter at about 8.30, to encounter a motorcycle cop giving a BICYCLIST a ticket. The cop left, and I managed to casually stoll by the small crowd of people talking to the cyclist and discovered that the cyclist received a ticket for not wearing a helmet. The cyclist seemed understandably irked but his ire was nothing compared to a 40ish, vaguely vagrantish, black guy who started screaming that he'd like to stick his boot up the cop's ass and progressively got crazier and louder and working himself up to a froth over the injustice and seemed to be blaming the cyclist for not standing up to the cop. The cyclist quickly left, more freaked out by the vagrant's tirade than the ticket, and then the #5 pulled up and pretty much everyone in the vicinity got on regardless if they wanted that bus or not, just to get away from Crazy Man. As the bus turned the corner to get on Aurora, you could still hear him freaking out...

Separated at Birth, Part Cinq

Michael Phelps
Dan Savage

hmmmm....maybe just a little bit...definitely around the ears and nose.

Was Savage a horny, young 20 year old experimenting with heterosexuality in the Baltimore area in the fall of 1984? Did Mother Phelps succumb to his charms?

We'll probably never know...

All the Harry Potters fans old enough to drive,

and/or not yet morbidly obese enough to still fit in a car or plane seat are probably going to immediately make haste to the gates of Warner Brothers studios in Burbank to call for the mudblood tainted carcasses of studio executives to be delivered to them for dismemberment and defiling. Why? Because those executives announced today that the release of the next Harry Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" has been moved from November 21st of this year to July 17, 2009. The reason given, is that due to the Writer's Stike earlier this year, the studio was concerned they didn't have a major tent-pole movie to anchor their Summer 2009 schedule. As a result, other studios have moved release dates of their films to either avoid conflicting with Potter or to take advantage of their vacating of the November release date.

I have to admit, I'm kind of bummed about this; I was looking forward to seeing the new film. Harry Potter, both novels and films, is pop-culture junkfood, but like most junkfood, it can be enormously enjoyable and gratifying, as long as you limit your serving size and brush your teeth afterward. (I suggest watching some Kieslowski; the nutrional value of "The Dekalogue" will help negate the caloric intake of Harry Potter or the similarly flavored James Bond films...)

Bob Costas is kind of a douche...

I used to kind of like Bob Costas, perennial host of NBC's Olympics coverage for the last 45 years, but I'm afraid our love affair is over...he's so pompously bland. And the little filler segments, in between events when they're trying to kill time so Michael Phelps can get his glutes massaged before competing, are inane and derivative. Of course we had to have a "let's send a reporter out to do a puff piece on that wacky Chinese food!" segment, the other night. It's so much fun to watch aging girl reporter make crazy faces as she samples duck feet, tripe and deep fried scorpion! Oh, the kooky things those Chinese folks eat! And of course, she had to bring Costas back a fried scorpion on a stick, which the big pussy refused to try...fuckin' puss.

It's the laziest form of reporting and a stunt that was probably done by Nellie Bly back in the 1908 Olympics. Oh, and there's the whole culturally insensitive thing as well. But, I'm guessing that when Chinese and French and Somalian reporters came to the US for the Salt Lake games, they probably filed similar dumbass stories for their hometown journalistic outlets: "ooooh; look at the weird, crazy shit American capitalistic pigs eat! Jello! Pork Rinds! Funyans! Ding-Dongs! Kraft "Cheese"!

Note: I haven't the slightest idea what the fuck animal that is in the photo...flattened Shar Pei, maybe?

Olympics hangover...

I stupidly stayed up to 12.30 in the morning to watch Mr Phelps destroy the legacy of Mark Spitz and the US Womens Gymnastics Team go down in flames thanks to Alicia Sacramone's blunders and the efforts of the 11 year old midget girls on the Chinese team. Now, I desperately need a nap and/or a cuddle with an Olympic calibre swimmer, diver, gymnist or wrestler...

mmmm....cute little tats and some fuzz..the dark side of Michael Phelps

and DAMN those damn new unitard swimsuits that cover them from neck to knee; BRING BACK THE BIKINI SPEEDO!

I'm guessing this was taken a few weeks/months ago when he wasn't in competition. Those extra bits of curly hair, will slow a guy down...and who does that 'ho think she is, copping a feel!?!?! You just know he gets this about 20 times a day, down at the pool...and it's even worse in the lockerroom.

Oh, and facewise, he's not a classical beauty but who cares...that's a face with character and those sugar bowl ears are just made for grabbin' and holdin' on...

Dane Cook doesn't like his new movie poster either

here's what he had to say on his MySpace page:

Dear Diary
Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best / funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"

7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.

8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) watch it below! Just click of the mute button and your rolling!

PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait ... it looks better.

Hey ... I love my new movie. Jeez ... it IS funny what love can make you do.

Chebusfukingkrist, this guy is the world's biggest douche...I'd like to kick his funny around...

Hungry like the wolf?

Simon LeBon seems to be headin' down to Rio...

Artist M. Mararian at Corey Helford Gallery

Pupaphobia
Gilbert's Fetching Trophy

These pieces were featured in a show called, Phobias, Foibles & Fiends which recently closed at the Corey Helford Gallery in LA. Tiffany Liu and Krista Huit were also featured, but I didn't like their art very much...See more HERE: coreyhelfordgallery.com

Oh, and here's a picture of artist Gary Baseman with two ladies...You can just tell that Baseman is a real pussy hound; he has that look...All images from Juxtapoz; there's a link over to your right.

How accurate are polls?

I mean, think about it...when was the last time YOU participated in a random phone poll. I think I have once, back in the 80's. And how do they work? Is it a live person asking you a questions, or a computer? In this day and age, with people leery of phone scammers, does anyone answer questions posed by a stranger on the phone? And, what type of people DO answer those questions? Are they mentally challenged or just gullible?

I think what I'm getting at, is that I'm only sort of worried about polls that show McCain in a tight race with Obama. To be honest, I doubt if polling reflects how the race is going to turn out...I'm posting a map here with the latest projections from a website called fivethirtyeight.com. They have Obama winning, but just barely. And I'm finding it difficult to believe that McCain is going to kick Obama's ass in states like Georgia and Mississippi and Louisiana that have African-American populations in the 25% range. Voter registration is up among the African American population all over the country and I'm pretty sure that thousands, if not millions of black Americans, particularly young, black Americans, who have never bothered to vote before, are going to come out in droves. Obviously that won't be enough to win every state, but it seems to reason that in some states, the black vote is going to make a huge difference and could possibly turn the vote count in Obama's direction or at least make many states very close to call and I'm kind of frustrated at not seeing that being discussed much in the press.

Cornhusker wrestling sex scandal!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I will never, ever see this upcoming film,

it has absolutely NOTHING I look for in a film. Out of the four headlined actors, I like Alec Baldwin, dislike Jason Biggs and Kate Hudson, and LOATHE Dane Cook. Howard Deutch is the hack director. It's apparently some sort of rom/com. It looks, sounds and smells horrible, yet here I am posting about it because I'm irritated beyond belief that Dane Cook gets top billing over Kate Hudson! Like I said earlier, I'm no fan of her work, or her trampy private life but the little 'ho has made a hit or two over the last few years and plays LEAD roles in all her films. Dane Cook is a shitty comedian who apparently is beloved by certain 30something, ex-jock/frat boy movie executive types who keep casting him in movies despite the fact that he SUCKS and has never been in a very successful movie. AND, he's only been the lead in two films, Good Luck Chuck and Employee of the Month, which both sucked and bombed.

Living proof that Hollywood is sexist and Kate Hudson needs to fire her agent/manager/lawyer for the shitty billing AND for putting her in this piece of crap movie in the first place...

I went to Portland on Saturday...

...but, it wasn't much fun. I was recruited to chauffeur a friend and her mother who aren't comfortable with freeway driving who had some business to conduct in the Sellwood neighborhood. We ate at Denny's and McDonald's and the only other place we went to was Powell's City of Books...In theory, Powell's sounds great for a book lover, with that huge selection spread over a city block, but the reality is that it's just too fucking big and crowded with inane tourists mostly interested in browsing at cat books and Family Circus compilations and generally getting in your way. I did find some books I wanted, but frustrated by the crowds and long lines, I put the books back and fled...I only had enough time in Portland to once again admire their intelligent city planning and mass transit system and sadly compare it to Seattle's inadequate planning and design...

Day-um!

That's Florida governor Charlie Crist in the middle, sporting a 70's pornstache during his university days and looking hot, hot, HOT. I also like how he's working that sexy, tummy baring cut-off athletic shirt as he poses with his best frat buds. These three studs look they're more than ready for a casting call for "LA Tool and Die, Part II" and I bet Charlie would loooooove to continue being the Lucky Pierre in that Manwich in any kind of film scenario!

Oh, and Wonkette dug these pictures up: http://wonkette.com/401750/wonkette-exclusive-scoop-charlie-crists-lost-porn-stache-years

Sadly, the Republican front-runner to be McCain's VP choice, doesn't look so good now...he has the look of a skinny, chicken hawk...though he could definitely get work in a Silver Daddy video...

Grounds for immediate divorce...

...your man coming home to tell you, "Honey, I want to buy some shirts like the ones that Charlie Sheen wears on Two and a Half Men!"

Sadly, there is such a way to purchase these ugly-ass, retroesque, bowling style shirts: http://www.charlieharpershirts.com/home.html

This appears to be a British website...I'm not really that shocked to discover that the British think this is a "hot" fashion trend, but who knew that "Two and a Half Men" was popular in the UK...then again, the British have always been fascinated by sex scandals, and certainly Charlie Sheen has been involved in a few of those...or maybe it's the really shitty and obvious wigs that Sheen wears; didn't the British invite the ugly toupee?

And, don't get me wrong; I OWN a cool, retro bowling shirt which I adore, but it's a REAL, vintage bowling shirt with embroidery on it, not the bland, color-blocked things that whoremonger Sheen wears on that questionably funny and extremely filthy tv show.

Funny, 'cause it's TRUE!

Originally saw this at: http://joegage.com/ (Site is probably NSFW)

There's someone on the other side of my cubicle wall,

who've I've never heard before in my office, who sounds exactly like David Cross. Excited that it might actually BE David Cross, I casually took a stroll around to check him out. Alas, it was just some visiting Crossian sound alike, helping out on some web-related problem...

For a few moments, I had high hopes that maybe Mrs Featherbottom was our new office cleaning lady...

Playgirl is Morte

At least the print edition is...it will continue on the net for awhile. For pre-Internet gay men, Playgirl was our introduction to the exciting world of nekkid dick pictures. I'm guessing that Playgirl would still be a very profitable business if millions of copies hadn't been stolen by horny gay teenagers too embarassed to try and buy it. (My successful trick was to rip off the cover of the Playgirl, then rip the cover off of a similarly sized but far butcher magazine, like Better Homes and Gardens, then take the guts of the Playgirl and insert it into the cover of the butch magazine and hope it didn't fall out when the clerk went to ring it up...)
Added note: this thievery continued until I went to college and discovered a Mini-Mart near Nebraska Wesleyan University that carried Honcho, Mandate, Inches, Blueboy and magazines of similar ilk. By this point, I was of legal age, and too horny to care if the clerk thought I was a 'mo...

And like many, I prefer the innocence of the old Playgirl with it's handsome, frequently mustouched, and flaccid membered models to the more recent version featuring nudies with throbbing boners and man-tans... Oh, and to the few ladies who read Playgirl, I hate to break the news to you, but a very large chunck of their models were gay as a picket fence. Many of them went on to profitable careers in gay male magazines, porn and turning tricks on Santa Monica Blvd.

And here's a vintage picture of Carol Burnett leading man, Lyle Waggoner in a celebrity spread from the 70's. A few of the celebs that posed, DID show their peen, but Lyle seemed to be shy...

Guess the Foot

I'm inaugarating a new feature on the Sideshow...you have to guess the (Male) Celebrity Foot! Yes, I've discovered a website devoted to sexually gratifying the needs of foot fetishists the world over obsessed to wacking off over photos of celebrity feet and I'm going to bring you the cream of their bunioned crop.

Todays first celebrity is one that has been featured on the Sideshow before...personally, I'm far more interested in getting lost in his dreamy eyes as my hands caress the downy pelt on his muscular chest, than in gazing at his nasty, yellow toe nails, (so like my own, but not nearly as muscular), but to each his own; I guess everyone is entitled to inviting anyone they want to their own private sex party. If you want to invite five skanky toes, be my guest...whatever gets you up to speed...

Meow!

Who doesn't love a good catfight/celebrity brawl? DListed reports that Nikki Blonsky, (Traci Turnblad from the last shitty Hairspray movie/musical) and her dad got into a fight over saved seats in an airport terminal in the Turks and Caicos islands with an America's Next Top Model reject, Bianca Golden and her mom! Nikki, her dad and Bianca were arrested and Mother Golden was flown to Miami for medical treatment! Nikki and Bianca are out on bail, and Father Blonsky is still in the slammer. This must have been some smackdown, and a foolish one. Any intelligent person knows, you do not fuck with big, fat, white people from Long Island OR wannabe model divas; you're just askin' for trouble. Plus, the Blonsky's are still pissed they couldn't go to the cancelled Golden Globes ceremony this year. They missed out on a free prime rib dinner at the Beverly Hills Hilton and a chance to hang with Miss Golden Globes herself, Rumer Willis!

Irritating side note: Variety reported last week that the producers of the shitty and loud movie musical of Hairspray have hired John Waters to write a story for a Hairspray sequel, which would pickup immediately where the first one leaves off. None of the original cast had sequel options, so it's not even known if original stars, John Travolta, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken, Zac Efron or Queen Latifah would be interested in coming back. (I'm sure Nikki would be back in a heartbeat; it's either this, or go back to the Coldstone Creamery from whence she came...)

Well, if Travolta does comes back, I'm sure Zacky poo would come back too; he looks up to Travolta for all sorts of useful fatherly/Hollywood advice...

Source: http://www.dlisted.com/ who got it from TMZ, but I'm not linking to them 'cause they get enough credit.

Separated at Birth, Part Quatre

Sherman Alexie
Aleksa Manila

You never see them together and they're both equally awful and untalented.

They're also on the Shortlist/bus for being my Arch Nemesis since I hate them both and I'm not shy about expressing it...

My Arch Nemesis just won't give it up...

@ Mr. Michael Strangeways....
You would know how to spell Magli, you elitist prick, even if you can't get your sources right. Hitchens, Hayes, it don't matter. Nice backtracking you fucking douche.
What you consider an 'odd view of America' is reality for those of us who have to live it. BTW... good job w/ statistics from 2004. They are really relevant today.
Posted by michael strangeways is an elitist prick | August 1, 2008 1:17 AM

60
Well, my last post seems to have disappeared, but....
@ Mr. Michael Strangeways... you would know how to spell Magli correctly, wouldn't you.Nice backtracking you fucking douche. What you consider 'an odd view' is a reality for those of us who live it. Just shut the fuck up you elitist prick, and shove yer Chuck Taylors up yer ass.
Actually, just shut the fuck up.
Posted by michael strangeways is an elitist prick | August 1, 2008 1:42 AM

61
Hey now... there it is.
Now I'll shut the fuck up.
But Mr. Michael Strangeways, you still are an elitist prick.
Posted by michael strangeways is an elitist prick | August 1, 2008 1:47 AM

AND, of course because I just don't let things go, here's my response...

ouch.
And stop being obsessed with my prick...i know it's thick and juicy and very, very tempting but HAND'S OFF!
You wanna piece, it's going to cost you the price of a new pair of shoes...EXPENSIVE-ass shoes, motherfucker.
Posted by michael strangeways | August 1, 2008 9:58 AM

I'm not sure if this person is on the up and up, or if it's someone being funny, or someone I know BEING funny, or maybe they just have a huge crush on me...He/She DOES seem to be obsessed with my prick and ass...

ZEXY PSYCHO CRUSH!!!