Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Office: the Strangeways Edition

My job and my office are sources of endless irritation today. Here's why:

1)We just got annoying news about the status of our contract. It's not done, but there will be hours cut which is obviously aggravating but even more so since the Powers That Be keep hiring NEW people for our project, when there is obviously not enough hours/money/work left on our p.o.

2)People who bring in HUGE amounts of food to eat at work and hog all the shelf space in the communal refrigerator deserve to be shot. I see people going into the kitchen with large, multiple shopping bags of bought in bulk food from Costco. THIS is currently hogging half the freezer of the refrigerator. It's a fucking
SIXTY COUNT box of fuckin' Eggos. Eating two a day, every weekday, it's going to take this hippopotamus fucking six weeks to empty this box, and it's doubtful that they'll actually eat Eggos everyday, so it's likely this fucker is going to be taking up space in the freezer until July.

My other pet peeve is people who put shit on top of the ice trays. Please do NOT put your Tupperware container or Lean Cuisine box on top of the ice that I consume. Your goddamn Tupperware or Lean Cuisine box might have sat on your dirty, germ covered kitchen counter at home and be contaminated with nasty bacteria from your feces crusted hands or your cat's bunghole.

3)There's several people here I find annoying, but the most recent addition to my list of People Who Need To Go Away, is this chubby, loud, brash, blond with goldfish eyes who has the knack of saying things outloud that are best left unsaid. I've only encountered her twice, but both times she managed to piss me off. Just now, I was outside smoking by myself on the far side of the building and not in the designated smoking area closer to the front door. The reasons I choose to do this, is because I LIKE to smoke alone and think about shit, AND the other people here who smoke are morons and I don't want to make small talk with them. This morning, the smoking area was occupied by this moronic couple, young, straight and really dumb and I particularly dislike the female, who's pushy and obnoxious and wears her hair in a very unbecoming pony tail. So, there I was in my OWN smoking section, when Chubby Blond Goldfish Eyed lady comes around the corner, on her way to her car in the back parking lot, and she is one of those people who HAS to chat with everyone she encounters. The first thing that pops out of her mouth: "Why are you smoking over here and not over with the others in the smoking section?" I desperately would have liked to snapped, "Are you writing a book, hippie?" but I refrained and made my slitty, evil cat eyed, annoyed look at her. If this bitch was a character in a mystery novel, she'd be bumped off by the end of the first chapter, the classic doofus character who really doesn't know anything but says the wrong thing outloud to a killer and subsequently gets offed because of their big mouth.

How I wish that real life was like an Agatha Christie novel.

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